FAST 5

Here's the thing. I don't really get the hype over this movie. First off, the Fast And Furious is a series about cars that is only superficially held together by plot to showcase to cars. Secondly, sequels continue to be made for reasons that defy logic . 3rd. . . well there is no 3rd reason. Maybe it just sucks. Anyhow, I ended up watching the movie not once, but twice, due to a stream of incessant pleading from my best friend, who didn't want to watch it alone. After watching the show, I had mixed feelings. we'll talk about that

Don't give me that look. You know I'm right

Let's talk about the plot itself.

In the opening we see Dominic ' Dom ' Toretto (Vin Diesel) being transported to a US prison by bus, when this happens.

Pictured: Badass

No, really. She breaks her brother out of the prison bus with the help of lover/ex-cop Brian O Connor in a series of death-defying moves while moving at more than a 110 miles per hour. That sequence would put any aspiring racer chick (Think Herbie) to shame, Lindsay Lohan be damned. Such an act of sheer bad-assery naturally gained the attention of the cops and a nationwide manhunt begins. However, puny rules don't apply to said badasses and they promptly escape to Rio, because that's where people go to avoid nationwide manhunts, Rio.

In Rio, whilst waiting for the arrival of her brother Dom, Mia and Brian together with their friend Vince join team involved in the heist of 3 high-end cars. While on board the train, they discover the train is carrying DEA agents and the cars were apparently seized. Things get hairy when Dom arrives with the rest of the participants of said heist. Dom notices that one of the participants, and I'm not kidding about this, named Zizi, is only interested in one car.

In all fairness, who could blame him?

In one of the biggest dick moves in the history of dick moves, Dom instructs his sister to steal the car while he holds off the other guys, because hey, what could be more fun then taking away what someone really wants? In the ensuing firefight, the DEA agents on board the train are killed but somehow everyone manages to get away, because this is freakin Rio.

However, Dom and Brian are later caught and interrogated by crime lord, Hernan Reyes, who just happens to be one very pissed off car owner. That's right, the 3 cars on the train belong to him, or used to belong to him at any rate. I could tell he really wanted his car back from the way he kept beating the crap out of them till hopefully, one of them would spill their guts. Nevertheless, through the combined might of their sheer badassery, Dom and Brian manage to escape, and they end up holing together in a safehouse to weather the storm.

When Dom and Brian tear open the car to find out why Reyes wanted the car so bad, they find a microchip with lots of nasty stuff on Reyes and the location of $100 million in cash. That is a LOT of money. Dom forces Vince to leave after he finds out Vince has secretly been in the employ of Reyes, specifically to retrieve the chip. In the meantime, U.S DSS agent, Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) and his team arrives from the US with his team of crack agents to bring Dom to justice, presumably extracting brutal vengeance on Dom and Brian in memory of the dead DEA agents in the process. If anyone could do it, Hobbs can.

"Don't f*** around with me"

With a little help from a local officer, Hobbs and team manage to track down Dom's safehouse, only to find it under attack by Reyes's men. in the midst of the ensuing fracas, Dom, Brian and Mia somehow manage to escape with Dom suggesting they split up and leave Rio. Mia then drops a bombshell saying she's pregnant. Wow, who saw that coming ? (A few not-so-subtle hints were dropped previously) Dom then changes his mind and insists on them sticking together. And then, get ready for this, he plans to steal the $100 million from Reyes and start a new life, and also presumably sticking it in Reyes face just for good measure. "Gonna think twice the next time you wanna mess with me eh, Reyes ?"- Dominic Toretto

"I will have my REVENGE ! !"

Long story short, he assembles a team to pull of the heist of the century, with a cool $10million for each person should they successfully pull off the heist. Vince, the disgraced man, is once again a member of a team after he rescues Mia from a rather sticky situation. After numerous hours of preparation and practice, they are finally ready to do it.

However, Hobbs and his team eventually capture Dom, Mia, Vince and Brian. Just as the heist was about to start too. What ?! What happens to the heist ? What happened to sticking it in Reyes's ugly mug ? The director can't just let the bad guys win ! Relax, guys. As they're on their way to the airport for extradition, they're ambushed by Reyes's men. . . again. Don't these guys ever give up? Unfortunately for Hobbs, this time, his men are murdered in a manner so violent that somewhere in his grave, Adolf Hitler just gave Reyes's men a standing ovation. Vince didn't survive the brutal ambush either. Swearing vengeance upon Reyes, Hobb and the local officer from before, a blond tart by the name of Elena, agree to help Dom with his heist.

Staring at this picture while listening to Bruce Springsteen's "Secret Garden" is a totally different experience

Eventually, after a series of logic defying car scenes and a few hundred K's worth of damaged property later, Dom manages to pull off what is essentially the heist of the century. The ending scenes show Dom and Brian chilling on some beach in the middle of nowhere with their respective ladies, and they live happily ever after. . . yada . . yada . . yada

In all fairness, it was a pretty decent show. There were an appropriate number of explosions and crazy-car-chase-scenes, yet there were a number of plot holes that took the gloss off the movie. For example, when Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson clash in one of the best fight sequences of recent years, the police officers are so impressed that they do not try to stop Diesel, even when he is seconds away from potentially turning The Rock's face into mush with a wrench? Did they know he would have a change of heart and let him live ? Did they read the script too ?

No amount of plastic surgery can save this

The chemistry between the actors were pretty decent and even managed to illicit a few laughs from the movie audience. Ludacris and Tyrese Gibson combines to deliver one of the funniest dialogue I've heard in recent times. All in all, it wasn't a complete waste of my time and as box office results shows, I'm not the only one who thinks that way. I give this movie a 3 and a half star rating out of 5 .